Have you ever wondered why you haven’t reached the level of success you want in life? Many of us are afraid of failing, at least some of the time. This is a powerful fear, but it’s not what I’ve ultimately seen hold people back in all my years of coaching. Instead, for a lot of people, it’s not a fear of failure holding them back… It’s a fear of success. How do you conquer fear of that size? Let me explain below.
Conquer Fear of Success in 3 Easy Steps
In this article:
- Step 1 — Awareness: Get to Know Your Fear
- Step 2 — Understanding: Why Your Fears Aren’t Real
- Step 3 — Reprogramming: Finally, Let Go of Your Fears by Reframing Them
When you’re afraid of success, you can find yourself getting very close to your goals — and then suddenly falling short. You might not even know why — or what you’re really afraid of.
Recently I had a conversation about this with a student during one of my Tough Love Mentoring calls. I discussed why this happens… and the three steps you can take to identify, understand, and overcome your fears today.
When you find yourself stumbling on the path to success, there are three elements you need to do if you really want to create change and conquer fear. The first element is Awareness. The second is Understanding. And the third? That’s where you Reprogram or Rewire yourself in order to change your conditioning.
Let’s take a look at each of those three steps to conquer fear in more detail…
Step 1 — Awareness: Get to Know Your Fear
You may tell yourself: “I have a fear of success.” However, you still haven’t figured out what it is about success that’s so scary. What’s the story in your head that’s really holding you back? Until you identify it, you’ll never be able to move on.
So what do you do? If you have a fear of success or even failure, narrow it down.
Ask yourself: what is the belief at the core of your fear? Write down exactly what your mind is saying. I’m not talking about general terms – I want you to dig deep and be as specific as possible. What are you afraid will happen?
Some of the most common fears I hear are things like this:
- “If I succeed, everyone’s going to want something from me.”
- “I’m going to have to take care of my whole family, and I don’t want that responsibility.”
- “I’m going to have to pay too much in taxes, and I hate taxes.”
Once you nail down what you’re really afraid of, it’s time for the next step…
Step 2 — Understanding: Why Your Fears Aren’t Real
Now there’s one thing that’s really important to understand if you want to be successful… Everything you’re telling yourself right now is complete freaking bulls**t!
It’s made up by your mind itself. Fear isn’t real.
Now, I mentioned earlier that this came up during a recent coaching call. During that call, one of my students disagreed with me on this. She told me, “Not all fear is bulls**t. I don’t believe that.” I still think I’m right, so let me explain what I mean when I talk about fear.
What is the definition of fear? It’s the anticipation of pain. And when you’re anticipating something, is that past, present or future? It’s not the past or the present. Anticipation is the future. But it isn’t the actual future – it’s the future you’re imagining. Guess what? That future doesn’t exist — yet.
That’s what I mean by bulls**t. It’s only imagination. It’s not real. It only feels real because you made it that way. That’s why it’s so important to overcome the fears holding you back.
You weren’t born with this fear, by the way. When you were half a minute old, you probably weren’t saying, “I’m going to have this fear that I’ve got to take care of everybody now.” That came later, as you grew up and learned to see the world a certain way.
Ultimately, you’re the one making it up.
You’re the one continuing to buy into that story. Whether it’s good or bad, everything you tell yourself is really just a story. We just make the whole thing up as we go along. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you can let that story go.
Step 3 — Reprogramming: Finally, Let Go of Your Fears by Reframing Them
After you’re able to understand that your fear isn’t real — that it’s just the future you’re making up — the final step is looking at the story you’ve told yourself and reconditioning or reframing it.
By that, I don’t mean telling yourself “This belief is wrong.” Since fear lives only in your imagination, there’s nothing right or wrong about it. Instead, I want you to ask yourself a simple question: “Is this belief helping me, or not helping me?” It’s that simple.
The truth is, you can change your beliefs any time you want to.
That means every time you have a fear that’s holding you back, I want you to tell yourself, “That’s not helpful. I’m going to believe something else.”
Then, take a moment to reframe it. For example, take the fear I mentioned earlier: “If I am successful, everyone’s going to want something from me.”
Stop and think: Where did that come from? Was there a person in your life who told you this? In this example, maybe it was your dad – and every day he would say to you, “Don’t bother trying for more because if you do, everyone’s going to want it. Everyone’s going to be a taker.”
That’s his frame. That’s his belief. Realize that it doesn’t have to be yours.
You have the choice to let it go and believe something else. Why would you want to cut yourself off from being successful now just because you might have to worry about a problem in the future?
I always say, “Why don’t we just cross that bridge when we get there? How about you become super successful now, and worry about any problems as they come up?”
Once you stop worrying about what’s going to happen in the future and start living in the moment, you’ll be amazed at how much progress you make in a short time.
Now over to you…How does fear hold you back? Do you have a fear of success or failure? What other methods do you use to conquer fear? Share in a comment below!
For Your Freedom,
You may have learned to conquer fear, but do you have everything that you want in life? Success? Inner peace? Amazing health? Fabulous relationships? If not, join me in one of my upcoming web classes, “Don’t Believe A Thought You Think,” where you’ll learn exactly how to have all the success, inner peace, health, relationships, etc. that you want and deserve.